Anyone who knows me, knows that one of my favourite things to do is complain about the fact that I have to have a job.
Sure, we would all love to be endlessly rich without having to lift a finger, but for most of us, this is not a possibility. Having worked in offices since I was 18, I am a veritable expert in the nuances of office culture- and I’ve learned that the best way to find happiness in your 40 hour week is to seek those little moments that will give you a laugh or otherwise distract you from your actual job.
Without further ado, here are the top things that I, no word of a lie, really like about working in offices:
- When there’s cake/other treats in the kitchen and everyone is too shy to take a full piece so they just stand around with a knife in their hand and cut off tiny slivers at a time so that no one thinks they’re greedy
- Hearing all about the new diet/exercise plans of all of your colleagues every Monday morning, before seeing them virtually inhale an entire pizza by Friday lunchtime
- When you have banter with someone approximately 30 years your senior and far higher up in the company, so it’s incredibly gentle banter and you laugh at literally everything they say
- How everyone says ‘is it Friday yet’ by like 11am on a Tuesday, ah what a classic joke
- Sneaking out at lunchtime with your best workmates to have a cheeky wine cause Karen has been getting on your tits, and it just devolves into a massive bitching session
- Finding out really old gossip about people you’ve never met because they left the company six years before you joined, but the magnitude of their sins has continued to reverberate so much that everyone still talks about them. You will also start to talk about them, don’t fight it
- Getting paid
- When you’re waiting for the printer to be free and you end up having inane chats with whoever is before you, about how it always jams or takes ‘omg sooooo long, so sorry’, or how many pages they are printing
- When people put things in the recycling bin and make a little joke about how they’re saving the trees
- Being in meetings where there’s tech issues and everyone just sits there awkwardly while someone struggles really hard to get it working again
- Phone voices
- The endless amounts of tea that are drunk simply because the kitchen is the easiest place to have a chat, and you’ll end up finding out all the best secrets about your colleagues while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil
- Work wives/husbands
- How everyone starts to really overstate the importance of tiny things and this becomes all consuming and the source of many hushed chats- for example, who should be asked to print this PDF????
- The genuine enthusiasm that people have for things like a properly formatted document, or a nice new font
- Reading out bitchy emails that you’ve received and all your colleagues jumping on the bandwagon to say mean things about the person who’s been mean to you
- How excited everyone gets for a Christmas party, summer party, or any event when you’re outside of the office and there’s free stuff
- Pretending to be interested in people’s kids/relationships etc because you know it will buy you at least 10 mins away from your desk but also actually, DOES little Matthew have a nut allergy or is it something less serious??
- When you’re doing something non-work related and get caught by a senior staff member but they just go ‘oh what’s that article about?’ or make some joke about how you’re so hard working and you know it’s all light hearted and you won’t get sacked
- Again, getting paid
- The mix of opinions and experiences that you get when you discuss things like politics or education or anything a bit taboo because actually, the majority of your colleagues all come from different backgrounds
- Guessing what people look like and then checking their LinkedIn- particularly when your minds’ eye image of that person was basically correct
It’s the small things, eh?